The
tears were running down my face so fast, my lips quivering. I could even hear
the struggle in my speech as the words came out of my mouth. “I’m such a broken
person Tyler, all my life people have left me and horrible things have happened
and it has taken such a toll on me. Constantly getting screwed over even by
people who said they would never hurt me. I’ve been abused, had my innocence
taken away. I’m such a crazy mess I would understand why they leave me”. Tyler’s
expression was indifferent as I said these words but I could see he was looking
at me right in my eyes which made me cry even more. He was going to leave me
too. I had just revealed the part of me I kept most hidden I had shown my
vulnerable pathetic side. All I could do was brace myself for the goodbye
because I knew that’s what was coming it always was.
Tyler
just kept looking at me and then said “come with me”. He took me to his car; I
was so confused and scared of what was coming next. The drive was long but not
tense there was calmness in the silence that was in the car. He drove me to his
house, not his actual house but his childhood home. He lived there when he grew
up with his parents and siblings. But the house currently had no one home. He opened
the front door and took me through the living room into the backyard by the
swimming pool and told me to lie on one of the chairs by the pool. He did the
same on the other, I was so confused. Then he looked up at the stars.
“They’re
beautiful aren’t they? When I was a little boy my father would always bring me
out here to calm me down when I was nervous, before my first day of school,
football games, graduation and before going to university too. It always worked
we would look at the stars and notice the constellations. It always made me so
happy and calm. It’s all so beautiful. And that brings me to the reason I
brought you here.”
He
then sat up, and I sat up too. Our chairs were close so he got my hand and held
it, and then looked directly into my eyes. I was so scared of what was coming
next.
“Cece
the reason I brought you here was because I’m nervous of the words I’m about to
say, I’ve always known they were true but tonight confirmed it. I’m madly in
love with you and the way I feel for you I’ve never felt for anyone, I know it
may sound cliché but I don’t know any other vivid way to put it. Seeing you so
vulnerable today moved me deep in my soul. It hurt me so bad to see you hurting
like that. You are such a beautiful soul and I honestly can’t see myself
without you. I know you may find this all hard to believe or trust and I understand.
What you’re going through right now? I wish I could just end it but I know it’s
a process and I’m willing to go through it with you, whatever it takes. You’re not
small or insignificant, you’re bloody beautiful Cece and I won’t rest until you’re
truly happy. I love you Cece”
I
cried, it was aggressive and silent crying and I collapsed into his arms. It was so beautiful everything he just said
and it seemed unreal. But I managed to find the strength to look him direct in
the eyes and say “I love you too Tyler”. He held me close and kissed my
forehead. I felt a rare feeling of safeness.
